so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
