So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
