hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
