Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
