i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
