my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
