dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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