i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
