We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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