It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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