Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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