did you get engaged???
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
this hospital has no fireball
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
