So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
