The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
