We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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