...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
