I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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