Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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