you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
