my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
