He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
