just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
