There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
