All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
