do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
