he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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