So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
