I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize