Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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