party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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