how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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