I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
try to milk me bitch
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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