The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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