i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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