I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
