Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
