There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So here I am, sexting at work.
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