Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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