i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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