Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Success! We fucked roommates!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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