So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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