I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
please come you make the beer taste better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
