Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
