This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
