I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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