We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
