you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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