Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
