Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
