That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
