Whod you bang
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
