Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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