I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
