I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
