yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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