I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
