I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize