Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
