Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
