It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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