note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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