im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
