Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
