You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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