Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
