she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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