It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
