I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
