theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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