So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize