He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
