god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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