I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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